Photo by Nolan Knight.

MY STORY 

I really want to preface the last couple years of my life with this Taoist proverb, which I'll tie back into at the end of my story. 

The Tigers and the Strawberry 

There was a man walking across an open field, when suddenly a tiger appeared and began to give chase. The man began to run, but the tiger was closing in. As he approached a cliff at the edge of the field, the man grabbed a vine and jumped over the cliff. Holding on as tight as he could, he looked up and saw…

In high school, I had no friends. 

When I told this to a friend at a show recently, he said, "What? You're the most social person I know. You're friends with everyone." 

I wasn't always, though. In elementary school I was kind of weird and in middle school, I was the victim of some pretty terrible "mean girls" stuff. By the end of 8th grade, I had sort of withdrawn. Over the summer, I started feeling sad for no reason. I didn't know the name for it at the time but I was starting to struggle with…

TEAMMATES 

Everything feels different on the road. When you’re touring, you’re like a player on a sports team and each show is a game in the season. From load in to load out, you’re working together as a cohesive unit to accomplish the same goal: to put on the best show every night. Whether you’re a performer, tour manager, stage crew, photographer, merchandise seller, etc., you are all teammates and share the same driving force. It’s really hard to describe what it feels like but you’re essentially in a…

At 23, I had finished four years of traveling all over Ontario playing music, working retail jobs I never cared about. I was stuck in limbo, not being able to afford what I wanted to do, which was make videos. So while working a 8:30 am to 8 pm at a computer store (which wasn’t chill!), I would sneak in my research on cameras and ask my buddy who happened to be a wedding photographer a ton of questions—until one day, I was holding my tax return planning out how to grab my first camera which was my Canon…

A few days ago I woke up to the news of letlive. breaking up and my world was shattered. They’ve been one of the biggest influences in my life and coming to terms with the fact that they will not be putting out new music every few years, that I won’t be planning trips to see their shows, was difficult to say the least. 

I first heard of their music when I was a sophomore in high school. I was ecstatic to see some of my favorite bands playing together on the Street Youth Rising Tour: Pierce The Veil…

Music this magnificent and medicine are one and the same. They make life worth living; hearts worth healing. - Boys Night Out, "Healing" 

I was 13 when I discovered Boys Night Out. Already 2 years into therapy for being sad and nervous, and just starting to discover what is referred to as “the scene.” 

7th grade was a rough year for me and my circle of 3 friends, but also one of the most defining years of my life. I didn’t like the kids I went to school with and they didn’t like me. Now, being 24, I…

I can remember the moment incredibly clearly—I was sitting in the dark, curled up on the floor of the conference room where we had our weekly meetings, and I couldn’t move. My muscles were locked in place, I was having trouble breathing, my heart was racing, and I had been crying non-stop for about 20 minutes without making a noise. One of my bosses, someone I immensely respected, knocked gently on the door, walked in, and sat down on a chair. He sat quietly until he saw me begin to loosen up, and when he…

My name is Alexis Howick, and here's a little piece of my story. I went through most of my life without ever really experiencing the effects of depression or anxiety, but by age 20 they had completely consumed every aspect of my being. 

Rewind to 17-year-old Alexis: I was mostly happy and healthy, I had a strong family life, I was involved in dance at my school, and life was good until I entered into my first serious relationship. At the time I had no idea that my relationship would turn out to be the…

I didn't know what I was fighting at 16, I just knew my weapons of choice—young adult novels and poetry, alternative/punk/emo music, a One Direction fanbase Facebook group of friends I had never met, lacrosse, and writing lyrics or quotes on everything I owned. My school notebook had the Saosin lyric “You're not alone / There is more to this, I know / You can make it out / You will live to tell” smudged on the back in sharpie. My locker had a picture of Ernest Hemingway’s quote “The world breaks everyone…

Life is all about choices. It may seem like society has crammed us into a routine, but when you take a step back it looks a little different. Think about it; you choose to get out of bed, get dressed, go to school/work, come home, go out with friends, etc. But what if one day, you just decided to stop putting in the effort? Suddenly, all these choices were just too much and the kid you were yesterday got swallowed by this hollow shell that couldn’t pull your legs off the bedside. That’s exactly what…